Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!
Today, I come here again for a bit more rambling. I’m almost sorry about that. Almost.
Before I get started, some context:
- I’m a cisgender female, so I can’t talk about the experience of a transwoman;
- I’m a Brazilian woman living in Brazil, so I can’t talk about the experience of women elsewhere.
With that out of the way, let’s move on to the theme of the post, shall we?
I’m a single woman, and chose not to have children. I don’t have a problem with anyone choosing not to, but this is my choice. I’m mostly asexual, which means I’m not interested in having sex with anyone, and I’m romantically attracted to men and women. This is me, this is my reality, and, unless asked for details, I’ll keep to myself.
I’m also a college educated woman working on a highly male-dominated field. And living in a very sexist country.
What are the challenges this presents?
- Men consider themselves entitled to my body, since I’m there and apparently available;
- I’m considered the perfect fuck buddy because since I don’t want kids, that’s all I’m good for, right? Who cares about what I want?;
- I’m being constantly judged (more than men) by my appearance, how I wear or style my hair, how much I weight, what I like to wear, etc;
- I’m considered much less competent than my male peers by my customers, who go from believing exactly what I have said when it comes from a male to outright refusing to speak to me or let me provide service;
- I have to fear for my life all the time, and not know whether or not my life partner (not that I have one now, but you get it) will be the one to kill me;
- I have to deal with my pain being ignored in medical settings because I’m probably overreacting (according to several providers’ opinion);
- I don’t have reproductive autonomy – abortion is a crime in the country, and getting approved for sterilization – even if you have a medical reason why getting pregnant will be unhealthy/dangerous – is nearly impossible if you don’t have children. It’s so bad I’m actually being denied treatment for a medical issue because the best course of treatment would render me sterile. Yes, things are that bad here.
This is just what I can think of right now, as general challenges women face in my country. I know women in other countries have other challenges – some of them even worse, just like honor killings, which we generally don’t have here.
I also have to say I know that I face less challenges than other women. I come from a structured family. My parents were both hard workers and able to provide me with a comfortable life. We were not (and are not) rich, but our basic needs were always met. Education was considered important in my family, and I managed to graduate college without debt, through getting a good scholarship and having a father who was able and willing to cover the rest of my tuition, leaving me to cover only the cost of books, copies, etc.
I was able to find a decently paying job and keep it when I moved to another state, through my own hard work and having an understanding boss.
Overall, I do have a pretty good life. I know that. I know I have come into this world and lived life with privileges a lot of other women don’t have.
And my life would still be easier had I been born a man.
Phew, that was a hell of a rant, wasn’t it? I’m done, I promise. And it’s your turn now. Why don’t you share your woes with me – regardless of your gender?
See you all on the next post!