Trust your gut!

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Well, I hope! I’m doing fine, no news at all to share. Well, mostly no news. I’m under the impression that WordPress has changed the way the general dashboard looks, but I may be wrong. Could any other bloggers out there weigh in, please? Thanks in advance!

Without further ado (but please, do weigh in, I’m doubting my own perception here!), let us go on to the topic of today’s post, shall we?

Intuition. That’s something we hear a lot about linked to women, and sometimes specifically mothers.

I’m not a mother, and will never be, but I’m a woman. More than that, though, I’m someone who pays attention. I pay attention to what people say, and, more importantly, to what they don’t say. What they do, how they treat others, how they conduct themselves, their body language, etc. These are the things that interest me when it comes to other people.

That means I have very keen instincts and gut feelings when it comes to people. And I’m starting to get good at listening to them. I remember when I was very young – still in elementary school, and I met this girl. I just didn’t like her right away. Which was pretty odd for me, as my default setting when it comes to people is positive. Still, I kept on talking to her (mostly because my mother forced me to) until she started spreading rumors about me and tried to beat me up to look good for the popular kids. 

Second case happened when I was in middle school. There was this classmate I just felt wrong about. He had never done anything to me, but there was this nagging feeling inside me. I was old enough at this point to make my own decisions about whether or not I would befriend people, so I didn’t. I talked to him, and tried my best to be civil, but something inside me didn’t like him. My mother – in her infinite wisdom (I’m obviously being sarcastic) – tried everything to force me to befriend the guy, including, but not limited to, calling me a racist because, in her mind, the sole reason why I didn’t want to be friends with him was the color of his skin (because I’m so fucking white, right?).

I kept on being civil, but the nagging feeling was still there. Then, at some point, I was forced to be in a group project with him. There was no option, he had to be in my group, because no other group would take him. Sigh. Fine, what could we do? We sucked it up, told him when we would be staying later at school to do everything we needed to do and started working.

Well, our group mate kindly didn’t show up. At all. He said he couldn’t ever stay after class to get work done. Fine. Again, we sucked it up and kept working. We would go to classes, eat something somewhere near the school, and come back to start working on the project. All of us but the young gentleman. Our teacher – the one who had assigned us the project – had seen us several times as she was walking to and from classes during the afternoon. She didn’t ask us where our classmate was, but she was seeing it all.

By the time the project was finally ready, our classmate finally let us know he was alive. He wanted to finally help us out. So he told us that he would generously type and print our project and bring it for the presentation. Keep in mind that this was way back when not everyone had a computer at home. 

Fine, we all concluded that he just wanted to feel like he had participated in some small way. So we allowed him to do it. The day of the presentation comes, and he hands the project over to our teacher. With only his name on it. You could have heard a pin drop as she took the project and read the cover with only one name on it. 

The silence didn’t last long, though, as she soon started lecturing him on his betrayal of a group that had generously accepted him even though he hadn’t really contributed a lot to all of the work we all had done. I went home that day and told my mom about the event. She simply commented about me not wanting to befriend him before.

Phew, I think I wrote a lot to make such a small point, didn’t I?

I think I can let you all talk now. Have you ever had a strong gut feeling about someone that turned out to be justified? Share your story with me in the comments!

See you all on the next post!

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11 thoughts on “Trust your gut!

  1. It sounds like your personal experiences are also personal evidence that your instincts about people have some validity.
    I’m a little different. I’ll be nice to anyone I meet. I have every intention of letting them see me as friendly and open to friendship. But that’s where it stops. “Behind the scenes” I’m immediately working at figuring out a new to me person. I am observing to see if the person is genuine. That person has to show me that they are worthy of my respect, trust and friendship because I assume that is what they require of me. That might seem cynical, I guess, but I am not one to try to be everybody’s friend and let people take advantage of me – something that has happened a few times to me.
    Overall, I accept and that it takes time to get to know a person, and that trust and friendship is something that is built. So, I have to rely on first impressions and my instincts/gut to decide if that person is worth my time.
    I’ve discovered that I am a pretty accurate judge of character. My instincts/gut are pretty sharp. I’ve been burnt/wrong before to be sure. In general, though, I accept my gut feelings about people at face value. If my instincts are negative, I’ll be more guarded initially with that person. I won’t immediately turn away and avoid them. I want to make sure that I’m not making a mistake. But that only lasts so long before I cut that person off from me. If my instincts are positive, I don’t “jump in with both feet”. But I’ll let myself be more open to the possibility of trust and friendship. This “process” has served me well. It has served my friends well, too, over the years.
    I see nothing wrong with going with your gut. You have to be true and protective of yourself first and foremost. That starts with figuring out your own instincts and learning to trust what they tell you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for commenting, I love getting your insight!

      I’m what I call superficially friendly to everyone. I guess it comes with working with customer service most of my life, so you kind of have that impulse of being nice to everyone you meet. But actually befriending someone is something that indeed takes a lot of time, getting to know one another and figuring out whether or not you get along with that person.

      Sadly, most people are so focused on being nice that they don’t listen to their gut when it comes to people, and, sadly, the nice people do end up getting taken advantage of. Been there, done that, especially with blood relations, who are harder (though not impossible) to cut off. Being from a culture where people highly value being nice and friendly, it took me a long time to learn that I was allowed to not talk to people who don’t bring any value into my life other than basic politeness, but it’s better for everyone. And it makes the relationships I do have more meaningful, because they’te not born out of mere obligation. :)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t noticed anything new about the dashboard, but I’ve been seeing different colors!

    I’m not good at reading people at first. I usually need to take some time. As far as group projects go, however, I feel your pain. It seems whenever I’m put into a group with people I don’t know, I end up doing all of the work. I’ll admit I can be a Type A personality in group settings, but it’s hard not to be when everyone agrees to meet at a certain place at a certain time and no one shows up. For the third time in a semester.

    Thanks for letting me rant a little!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s it, I thought I was going crazy. It used to be a light blue and not it looks white, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, lol

      And I hate group projects, not going to lie. I’d sooner do all of the work in peace than have to work with a group in which everyone is bickering or not doing their part. When I was in college, we used to joke among my friend group that we wouldn’t do any group projects together because we wanted to remain friends.

      And feel free to rant any time! :)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hah! Group projects are definitely a great way to lose friends! Luckily, I discovered my one friend and I are a power duo when working together and I met one of my other best friends in a group where we were doing all the work. I still prefer working alone though.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. They are, it’s crazy. Everyone starts out friendly or neutral, and all of a sudden you have World War III brewing, lol

          I think working as a duo is sort-of okay. But anything over 3-4 people, and all bets are off. The one time I worked as a team with my friends, we split into two two-person teams and worked this way, so we managed not to kill one another in the process. But working solo is definitely easier for me.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I trust my instincts. If my gut tells me something is off, I believe it even if I haven’t worked out what. I give new people 10/10, rather than 0/10 to earn. If people lose points, I’m not very good at giving them back! Having said that, I myself have a wall that I rarely let people through, so I wouldn’t be surprised if people think I’m a closed book. I can have what I describe as severe ‘aura clashes’ with people. Some, not many, people just leave me cold, without reason, but again, I trust my instinct. Incredibly shallow and mean of your instincts being disregarded, especially by a parent. Good to know you can trust your sixth sense and make it work for you. A skill I think we’ve all evolved with but have lost over the ages.
    I’ve just been reading about the dashboard change. Yes, they’ve introduced a new colour scheme. I like the pink, but am struggling with the ‘like’ star turning blue instead of orange. It doesn’t stand out so much and I rely on it as a ‘bookmark’ to highlight where I’m up to in my reader. You can change the colour scheme if you click on your avatar and go into account settings, though I haven’t yet proved if that will give me my orange stars back!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sort of like you as well. I try my best not to be too negative towards new people, but there’s sometimes that little nagging feeling I can’t ignore. Most people leave me at a neutral-to-positive state, even though it does take me a while to warm up to anyone. Sadly, there’s a long history of my feelings being disregarded at home, but what are you gonna do? Move on, I guess.

      And I miss the orange star as well. Will have to poke around and see if we can have it back soon! :) Let me know if you get there first! ;)

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, yes, for sure. Woman’s intuition is strong. Sometimes I get dreams that come in warnings too. I think we just know when something’s off. I don’t mind anything much as long as this is someone that doesn’t harm others. I’m usually the one who can tell who’s a wrong ‘un even if that person is popular amongst girls, I just know and they prove me right. But I can tell who’s once in a lifetime beautifully and stupendously good too which is also really lovely. ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

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