Boundaries are good, people!

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope! How is life treating you all? Are you staying home? Going to work because your job is essential? Any way you are living right now, please stay safe!

Since many of us are currently working at home, and that makes family life (for those who don’t live alone like I do) quite challenging while we all learn how to navigate this whole mess, I’ve decided to drop by for another chat today.

One of the hardest things I have seen people talking about is establishing boundaries between work and home life, since they’re both existing in the same space now for a lot of us.

For me, since I’ve been working at home since 2012, and, as mentioned above, live alone (since 2013), establishing boundaries within the home is not a problem. Outside my home can still be a problem every now and then, as a lot of people assume I’m not working, but I’m doing my best to fix that perception.

That has led me to the idea of boundaries in general, and how we navigate them.

I was raised by a mother for whom boundaries were poison. If I had any kind of boundaries, I was either selfish or hiding something. If I didn’t want to have my things given away to her friends (it was always my things, never hers, or my brother’s, or my father’s) or didn’t want her tearing my bedroom apart and reading my journals and letters, there was obviously something wrong with me.

Once I moved away from the parental home, I went to the opposite extreme, and locked up my boundaries like Fort Knox. I didn’t tell anyone anything. I didn’t ask for help. I kept my entire life under lock and key.

After a few years adjusting, I’ve learned where to relax my boundaries – sharing things with friends and trusted family members, asking for help when needed – and when to stick to them – when someone is trying to guilt-trip me or walk all over reasonable boundaries.

What about you, reader? How do you handle your boundaries? Loosely? Fort-Knox style? Something in between? I’d love to hear from you in the comments! If you can, tell me how you’re coping with the current moment too!

See you all on the next post!

12 thoughts on “Boundaries are good, people!”

  1. I do my best to explain my boundaries to those I interact with. I’m a pretty straightforward person and plain speaking. If I tell you I have a limit (boundary, if you will), you can take it at face value. If you try to cross a boundary that I’ve established, you will likely not like my disposition. Perhaps I react too harshly in some circumstances, but I would argue that you were forewarned.
    That said, if I haven’t plainly established a boundary and you cross it, I think I’m pretty easy going about it. I’ll let you know for sure, and I’ll expect you to not do it again. But I will not bear any ill will.
    Interesting food for thought.
    I think I’ve mentioned before that I am working at an “essential” company, so I’m going to work daily. Fortunately, we are very small, so there is pretty small risk of exposure to someone with COVID-19. That said, there is greater risk versus just staying at home. I do what I can to pay attention to the news and filter out the BS (there’s a ton of that). I can say that I’m concerned that we haven’t peaked just yet where I live, and that stronger measures might have to be taken to curb this pest. I don’t know what that means. All I know is that I do what I can to minimize a risk of exposure for me, my family and those I must interact with regularly. It can get a little… annoying… not being able to go out on a Friday night now and then, but I’d rather deal with that than the current alternative.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Explaining boundaries right out of the gate is definitely the best way to go! I do my best to do that as well! Sometimes I’ll leave some ‘soft boundaries’ unstated if the situation calls for it, but hard boundaries will always be stated as soon as possible! And agreed on the not having a good disposition when a stated boundary is crossed vs an unstated one granting more leeway. I’m not a mind reader, so I don’t expect others to be!
      You did mention going to work daily, but it’s good that you are a small group. If everyone takes the basic precautions (hand washing, coughing into their elbow, not their hand, if they have to, etc) you all should be relatively safe. And yes, it’s a bit hard to navigate the news cycle now, there’s too much BS and too many people spreading misinformation, it’s not always easy to filter out the noise from facts.
      It is annoying that we must practice social distancing, but I’m hoping if everyone takes this seriously enough and stays safe, we’ll have less problems than anticipated!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am not so good with boundaries. My mother had the same principles like yours, accusing me of hiding something she HAD TO KNOW RIGHT THEN or being selfish. Some things learnt in childhood are always going to remain with you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that as well! I wish I knew what they expect to gain with this behavior, but I’ll never wrap my mind around it! It’s like those mothers don’t understand that their children are not extensions of them and that they will become adults some day. And it sadly does mess with your perception of what is and isn’t okay!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I work from home too, and I love it, but now both my husband and my son are in “my” territory (LOL). My husband is working from home now because of Covid-19, and my son is doing school online now because schools are closed. We have invested in headphones so that we can keep our noise boundaries down while we work at least:) Stay safe and healthy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, headphones sound like a great idea when you have a suddenly crowded space! Thanks for that! I’m still blissfully alone in my domain, lol I guess I’ll see if someone wants to rent my living room, since I’m working in my bedroom all the time! Stay safe and healthy too!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I live with my wife and “work” from home. Our daughter is happily married and she lives on her own. Fortunately, we all get along. But the quarantine, whether self imposed or mandated, obviously puts a major strain on any relationship. (I put work in quotes because at this point in life, I get to work on the things I enjoy. Hopefully, we are all working towards some kind of personal freedom where we get to choose, aside from responsibilities, what we enjoy doing).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitely, confinement brings out the worst in some of us or just makes us all more stressed. I’m lucky that the only living being I am responsible for is myself, but families and couples definitely have some adjustments to make if everyone is home. Here’s hoping we all stay mentally and physically healthy while this lasts. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! :)

      Liked by 1 person

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