Confession time: I was the ‘other woman’ once

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope!

I’m doing well enough, working my tail off but still holding on to some of my sanity (I’ll talk about all I do for work someday… maybe).

But, since some of my sanity has gone the way of the dodo already, I thought I’d share one of my dumbest moments. The moment I was The Other Woman and didn’t realize it right away. Sit down and grab a snack.

I met L in my early twenties, through a mutual friend at a hobby group. L was fine. He was a bit taller than me, tanned, dark-haired and green eyed. He was also smart, funny, a few years older than me (around 28-30, if I’m not mistaken), and interested in the same hobby I was into. What’s not to like? We hit it off pretty quickly.

At first, we just spent some time together after the hobby portion was over, chatting. Then it was out for ice cream. Then it was dinner. Then it was a park, and by the way, I have my daughter this weekend, is it okay if I bring her along? Oh… your daughter. Uh… okay.

He brought her along (I think she was maybe a bit under 2 years old) and it was fine. He was minding her, and the kid was nice. I didn’t have to get too involved in this first outing. Of course, this was about to change.

As we spent more time together, he had the kid come along more and more often (which is okay, he’s her father!) and started slowly pushing her towards me, with a small task here, another there, and you are so good with her… And he seemed to have her much more than the weekends, but that was fine too.

Everything was fine, until he mentioned that he was “still in the process off getting divorced”, and my inner alarms started sounding. I started asking questions about how long they had been separated. Ooops, no, not separated, they were living in the same house, but it was just for the kid. Another red flag. And then, she had gotten pregnant to keep him in the marriage.

Oh, boy. That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not dating a recently separated guy. I was dating a married guy. Like, really, truly married. Damn. I can’t even put all my feelings in words. I felt gross. Guilty. Stupid. Angry. At him, at the friend in common, at myself.

No, nothing explosive happened, though. I just told him to go back to his wife, blocked him on everything and the friend was collateral damage. I just couldn’t look at her face anymore and think she had introduced me to that son of a gun.

I was dumb. Really, really dumb. I can admit that now, with a lot less shame than I carried when I found out I was helping a guy cheat on his wife.

Last I heard of him, they were still married. And I’m really sorry I was that stupid.

I’ll take a shower now, because I feel icky again recounting this. I would ask you all to be nice in the comments, but you know what? Let me have it.

See you all on the next post!

17 thoughts on “Confession time: I was the ‘other woman’ once”

  1. Wow! Chalk it up to life experience. I would say that you made the right call when you found out the reality of the situation. I would also say that you shouldn’t consider yourself too stupid. When you like someone, you try to see the good in them first. He wasn’t being honest and you weren’t expecting the dishonesty.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I try not to be too hard on myself. I was ridiculously sheltered, and was still pretty naive in my early 20s, so it took me a while to figure things out. It still feels pretty damn bad to know you were half of an affair. I still tend to expect people to be honest, and sometimes it comes back to bite my in the ass. :/

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You aren’t guilty of anything, because you did the right thing when you learned the truth. He is guilty of cheating her and lying you. And your friend might have been lied too, she might not have known that he wasn’t separated.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Now, looking back, I do feel that I wasn’t partially guilty, but it was hard to see that back then. As for the friend, I confess I have my doubts, but you may be right that she was lied to as well. It was all a bit of a dumpster fire. But I think everyone does some really stupid mistakes when they’re very young, I guess. It’s still something I’ll probably remember for a while longer. :/

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I couldn’t either. I don’t think even after all this time, I could even look at his face. Cheaters and liars are two kinds I don’t want anywhere near me!


    1. I think you’re right! Last I heard of the guy, he was still “just living with her for the child”. I wonder if he’s still trying to trick young women into dating him.

      Liked by 1 person

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