How untreated mental illness ruins relationships

Trigger warning: Mental illness, verbal abuse.

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope!

I know I haven’t been around much, but I’m trying not to completely abandon the blog, I promise. I won’t be posting as often as I once did, I guess, but I’ll still drop by here whenever I feel like I have something to say.

Today I come to talk a bit more about mental health, which is a theme that’s near and dear to my heart, mostly because I suffer with poor mental health myself.

I was thinking about someone who is not in my life anymore, Mike (name changed for privacy).

Mike was my boyfriend for a few years. He was a friend of a friend (like 99% of my significant others), and, when we met, he seemed nice enough. I fell for him really quickly, as you do. I’m a bit better about it, but I used to be very quick to fall for anyone who could strike my fancy. At first, he wanted to be just friends. It hurt, but I accepted it, and we carried on as friends until, at some point, he decided he wanted more than that. We started dating, and, at some point down the line, he was spending a lot of time in my apartment, more than at home. I didn’t mind, at first.

Now, Mike suffered from depression and anxiety, and I knew that before he started mostly living with me. What I did not know was that I was signing up for a living hell. At first, life was okay. But then he started acting very paranoid and weird. Losing his ever-loving mind every time I went out without him, which happened at least once a week, as I liked going to the store after work, and that happened before he came home from work. Sometimes, I’d meet a relative at the mall attached to the store and let him know we’d stop for a cup of coffee. At first, he was fine with it, but as time went by, he started demanding pictures to prove I was with the person I said I was with.

And then, when I got home, all hell broke loose. Coming home 10 minutes later because I had gotten stuck in traffic turned into me cheating on him and my relative covering up for me. Me not wanting him to read my emails also turned into me talking to other men. Me forgetting to get something he wanted but hadn’t put on the list from the store turned into me doing it to spite him. And it all turned into screaming matches, tears and rants about how I was just as bad as his ex, blah blah blah. It was nerve-wracking, but I swallowed my tears and words. Until I learned that he was stopping his meds cold turkey every now and then for some reason (a part of me thinks he did it to punish me, for… something, but I don’t think I’ll ever know).

I have to admit I was pissed. Knowing he was making this decision to make my life a living hell really got to me. I have no idea how I refrained myself enough to simply pack his stuff when he was at work, put everything at the entrance hall and change my locks. Because I have to admit what I wanted to do was much less calm than that.

After he calmed down, he tried to contact me several times, going on about how he missed me. How he knew he was being abusive, but he was in therapy and much better now. When that gave him nothing, he started using mutual friends to relay messages, and they started becoming aggressive again. Sadly, I had to cut contact with some friends as well, because I couldn’t trust them not to keep telling me about his life and vice-versa.

Moral of this story? I’m not saying you have to take meds, that’s between you and your care provider. But whatever treatment you’re involved in, please, for your sake and for the sake of those you love, don’t just interrupt it, especially to ‘show them’, or what have you.

Well, that is it for today. I really hope this post hasn’t upset, offended or triggered anyone. Please take good care of yourselves! See you all on the next post!

11 thoughts on “How untreated mental illness ruins relationships”

  1. You took the right path. We all need to shed toxic relationships, particularly these days. Everybody is dealing with stuff, but it is not about the stuff you are dealing with, it is about how you are dealing with it. Stay well Jay. Allan

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t have put it better! You’re so right! Everyone has s**t in their lives they must put up with, but not everyone puts up with their stuff by lashing out and hurting others! Actually, most people don’t! Stay well too, and thanks for your kind words! :)

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    1. I know, at some point I thought I was the one who was losing it! I couldn’t wrap my mind around someone deciding to stop taking meds for their own quality of life just to make someone else’s life a living hell! It’s scary to think how low some people will go. And how much harm they do to mentally ill people in general and those who stop taking their current meds for legitimate reasons. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve been through to my worst enemy, if I had one.

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  2. Can’t agree more. The people that need the help of meds, routines, etc. for improved mental health need to follow what is prescribed by the doctors, therapists, etc. It’s not a perfect system, but the intent is to help improve – maybe even cure – mental health problems. If you don’t try what is prescribed, chances are you will not get better. At the very least you will never learn what helps and what doesn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. I’m not even saying people need to take everything they’re given and not question, heaven knows I have asked to stop medication when it was not helping my mental health. But when you have something that keeps you more stable than you’d otherwise be and choose to stop it out of spite… that’s when you have a much bigger problem than the one the medication is treating. From what I heard through the grapevine after the fact, I wasn’t the first one to get this kind of treatment. Some people… I have no words.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for visiting “The Last Chapter”. I hope you will order “Flying with Broken Wings”, Charlotte was a complicated individual; she was in her mind an old man who tried to be demanding and control the other voices. The woman was mean and vicious, and the little girl was always confused. It was the woman who wanted Charlotte to kill her mother. The turmoil and fight to survive only ended with her untimely death. E.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oo, yikes. Requiring pictures is a lot. I do think it’s nice to share pics of things you find interesting or if you’re baking or cooking, but it seems like anxiety and depression (feeling worthless) can make someone feel insecure and not good enough. Oh. Wow. Reading your emails. That’s.. oh no. Oh no.

    I do wonder if he was as honest as he could be in therapy because then that would have been a way to create a treatment plan for him to understand how anxiety and depression was affecting his relationship with you. Either way, I’m sorry you had to go through that, it must have felt incredibly invasive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, it was really annoying and suffocating. I like sharing pictures of fun or cute things, but I felt like he was accusing me of lying. I get being insecure, I am too, but I put myself in check and try to work on it before expecting the other person to do the work for me.

      I don’t really know if he was that honest, but people need to understand that therapy is to fix your present and future, and that sometimes the damage you have done in the past is just too much for you to just go back and fix it with an apology.

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    1. Thank you! What was sad/infuriating was that he had access to help, but he didn’t stick to his treatment. I have forgiven him and wish him well from afar, but I don’t want him back into my life! Sadly, I have seen cases in which an abuser can be a decent person towards everyone else but revert to their ways when they get back in touch with the people they abused. I’m not willing to test the theory! Have a great day and take care!

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