Confession time: I was the ‘other woman’ once

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope!

I’m doing well enough, working my tail off but still holding on to some of my sanity (I’ll talk about all I do for work someday… maybe).

But, since some of my sanity has gone the way of the dodo already, I thought I’d share one of my dumbest moments. The moment I was The Other Woman and didn’t realize it right away. Sit down and grab a snack.

I met L in my early twenties, through a mutual friend at a hobby group. L was fine. He was a bit taller than me, tanned, dark-haired and green eyed. He was also smart, funny, a few years older than me (around 28-30, if I’m not mistaken), and interested in the same hobby I was into. What’s not to like? We hit it off pretty quickly.

At first, we just spent some time together after the hobby portion was over, chatting. Then it was out for ice cream. Then it was dinner. Then it was a park, and by the way, I have my daughter this weekend, is it okay if I bring her along? Oh… your daughter. Uh… okay.

He brought her along (I think she was maybe a bit under 2 years old) and it was fine. He was minding her, and the kid was nice. I didn’t have to get too involved in this first outing. Of course, this was about to change.

As we spent more time together, he had the kid come along more and more often (which is okay, he’s her father!) and started slowly pushing her towards me, with a small task here, another there, and you are so good with her… And he seemed to have her much more than the weekends, but that was fine too.

Everything was fine, until he mentioned that he was “still in the process off getting divorced”, and my inner alarms started sounding. I started asking questions about how long they had been separated. Ooops, no, not separated, they were living in the same house, but it was just for the kid. Another red flag. And then, she had gotten pregnant to keep him in the marriage.

Oh, boy. That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not dating a recently separated guy. I was dating a married guy. Like, really, truly married. Damn. I can’t even put all my feelings in words. I felt gross. Guilty. Stupid. Angry. At him, at the friend in common, at myself.

No, nothing explosive happened, though. I just told him to go back to his wife, blocked him on everything and the friend was collateral damage. I just couldn’t look at her face anymore and think she had introduced me to that son of a gun.

I was dumb. Really, really dumb. I can admit that now, with a lot less shame than I carried when I found out I was helping a guy cheat on his wife.

Last I heard of him, they were still married. And I’m really sorry I was that stupid.

I’ll take a shower now, because I feel icky again recounting this. I would ask you all to be nice in the comments, but you know what? Let me have it.

See you all on the next post!

Blog Recommendation – August 2020

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Staying safe and healthy, I hope!

Since today is Sunday and Sunday is a lazy day, I decided it was time for a lazy post! Because why not?

So today’s lazy post is just a blog recommendation, and if I don’t forget, I’ll try and do one of those each month, because there are way too many amazing bloggers I follow! Not that they need my shout out, but it’s still nice to talk about them!

Today’s recommendation is Bryn Donovan’s Blog.

What is her blog about? Bryn is an author and editor, and her blog features resources for writers, book reviews, and other forms of inspiratin.

Why do I recommend it? As someone who’s interested in writing myself, her blog has helped me with a lot of things, and it’s also entertaining, double win! Add to it that Bryn is a truly lovely and funny person, and you’ve got a great package!

What are you still doing here? Go pay Bryn’s blog a visit! Go, go! I’ll see you on the next post!

What’s in my bag?

sling bag hanging on black metal holder
Photo by Castorly Stock on Pexels.com

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? I hope you’re all healthy and safe! I for one definitely am, though not going anywhere since March 8th has been taking a toll. It’s alright, though, we all need to be patient until things get better.

Since I have a little bit of time and energy today, here I am chatting with you all for a while.

I’m always fascinated for those ‘what’s in my bag’ videos/vlogs/posts, so I thought, why not? Not like I’m interesting at all, but I decided to share it anyway.

First things first – I always carry massive bags. My bags are usually so big I have used them as travel bags more than once. I just love having bags that can fit everything and the kitchen sink.

Second things second – definitely not everything I carry is useful, but hey – I don’t know anyone who can’t say they don’t carry even a teeny tiny useless thing around, so… without further ado, this is what is usually in my bag:

  • keys (house only, I don’t drive)
  • phone
  • wallet
  • planner
  • blogging notebook (yes, I carry them both)
  • some reading material, in case I have to do something that involves waiting for a long time
  • pencil case with a ton of Bic pens and a mechanic pencil
  • my current crochet project (same as reading material, though I leave it at home if I’m going anywhere with a metal detector)
  • any smaller items I’ve bought on my trip to the outside world (one major reason for me to carry the gigantic bags)

I guess that’s it. While some things may vary here and there, this is mostly what I carry on my bag at all times.

What about you? Do you carry a small bag? Medium sized? Gigantic? And what do you take in it? Share it with me in the comments!

See you on the next post!

Early bird or night owl?

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Everyone staying healthy and safe? I really do hope so!

I’m finally back to full-time, which means time is… not really available for most things. I didn’t want to spend too long away from here, though, so I just drop by to leave a quick question for all of you!

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

I can say for myself that I am a miserable combination of both – I wake up some time around six and can’t really go into deep sleep anymore, and then, once it’s bedtime for any sensible person, my ideas want to come out and play and have me do anything other than sleeping. It’s been like this since I can remember, and not even sleeping pills have fixed the issue.

What about you all? I’d love to hear from you, and, if you are an early to bed, early to rise person, tell me about it! I’m always very curious about the likes of you!

See you all on the next post (or in the comments), and stay safe!

Where do you find inspiration to post?

black choker on beige scarf
Photo by Jane Pham on Pexels.com

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well and staying safe, I hope! I’ve been doing well enough, still working part time, though I suspect it will end soon as work is picking up quickly and our customers are going back to work! As I still have time to blog, I’ll take advantage of it and try to keep both of my blogs updated until work swallows me again!

Speaking of blogs, I would love to know where you, my blogger friends, get inspiration for your posts!

As for me… everywhere would be a good way to say it. Shower thoughts, doing the dishes thoughts, reading some other blog, a conversation with friends, a book I’m reading… pretty much any and everything can inspire me. Whenever I am reading more blogs, I always get inspired to share my own take in whatever my fellow bloggers have written about, though it usually happens after a few weeks, as I keep a pretty long list of themes.

I am curious about you all, though. Is there any specific brainstorming exercise you swear by? Or do you, like me, take inspiration from everything around you?

I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

See you on the next post!

Mental Health – Why I’m not on meds

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well, I hope! I’m doing well enough, and trying to get a little more active when it comes to posting on my blogs. We’ll see how long that will last.

Before I go any further, please be aware that this post is going to talk specifically about my mental health, and, as I type the posts when I publish, I can’t tell exactly which themes I will touch, but there may be some sensitive ones there. Reader discretion is advised.

With the warning out of the way, let us move on, shall we?

I can’t really look back and pinpoint when I started noticing my mental health wasn’t what it was supposed to be. Having been raised by a mother who could be described as neglectful at times and abusive at others, let’s say my normal was never… what is usually accepted as normal.

The earliest I can remember about my childhood not being normal is that around the age of six I was sure I was my father’s daughter, but not my mother’s. In my young mind, I believed that I was his love child with someone else and that’s why my mother didn’t like me. That’s something my mother finds very amusing, by the way, make of that what you will. It was also the age when I remember being treated differently from all of my grandmother’s other grandchildren, because she didn’t like my mother. So I basically didn’t have many people to turn to.

As years went by, I became more and more into myself. I spent a lot of time with a “friend” who was very overbearing, and who acted as though me having other friends was an act of betrayal. Add to that living in a household where my mother was a religious fanatic prone to raiding my bedroom for ‘satanic’ literature, and I felt more and more stifled.

At some point during high school, I started talking to myself – a lot. I was so stressed and isolated I felt like nobody but me would listen to me. My school counselor noticed it when she saw me walking home once and asked my mother to take me to therapy. She did, though it didn’t help that much. On one end, there was the therapy telling me I was perfectly normal and mentally healthy (really, lady?). And then when I came home from my sessions, my brother was there saying things like ‘look, the crazy girl is home’.

I was around 16 back then, and branching out into more friendships. I was still stressed and unsure of myself, though, as I wasn’t used to having friends. The ones I had were nice, but I had spent so many years isolated by a bad friend I didn’t really know what to do. This was the state of affairs for the rest of my school career, and it was when I started taking some pills in a clumsy attempt at ‘sleeping and not waking up’. It never worked, and if someone at home noticed, they didn’t say anything. Neither did I.

Fast forward to university – which I didn’t want to go to right away, but went to because my parents pushed for it – and things were getting worse. During exam weeks, I was literally not sleeping for full weeks straight. I’d pass out in exhaustion for a couple hours, then wake up and be unable to sleep at night. I was this close to breaking, and death was constantly in my mind. I just wanted the agony to stop.

After trying to bottle it up, I finally broke down and begged my mother for help. She mercifully listened and took me to a psychiatrist – even though she was mortified I needed one.

The psychiatrist talked to me (with my mother sitting right there) and decided my problem was anxiety and I needed medication for that. I was on board with it, of course, anything that could ease my agony would be welcome. So he prescribed the medication and I started taking it.

It. Was. Horrible. Whatever effect the medication was supposed to have, it backfired. I was exhausted and sleepy all day and still awake at night. I gave it time, maybe it needed more time for my body to get used to it. Nope, months in and I was still dying during the days, when I had to work, and stark awake at nights, when I could rest.

I asked the doctor to review my medication. He increased my dosage… during the day. I still tried again, maybe it would work? Nope, it didn’t. I was still a zombie all day and awake all night.

And this is when I decided to drop this doctor and the medication.

Do I advise anyone to do it? Nope.

Do I regret it? No, I don’t. It was the right decision for me at the time.

Well, I guess I’ve said enough already! If you have anything you want to share, the comments are open!

See you on the next post!

Story time: Stuck up a tree

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope!

I’m  doing well enough, still isolating at home – cases of COVID have been on the rise in my state – and working part-time until I can figure something else out.

Since I was a bit bored today, I decided to share a little story from my past. Grab popcorn or the snack of your choice and join me, will you?

Place: A small town somewhere in Brazil. Time: Some time between the late 80s and early 90s. Characters: Yours truly, mother, and assorted relatives, mostly cousins.

When I was a child, I was basically a tomboy. I would dress like the boys, run with them and play like they did – playing ball with them, flying kites, and climbing on trees. This last activity was one my mother didn’t like at all, and she was constantly telling me to stop doing it.

Being a child, of course, I did not listen to my mother, and kept climbing on the big tree just across the street from my aunt’s house and chilling there. I did it all the time, and it wasn’t a problem at all. Until it was.

I was chilling up the tree as usual, with my cousins, and then, in some way I can’t really explain (it’s been around 30 years), my foot got stuck somewhere. I froze. What should I do now? I pulled and tugged. My cousins did too. Nothing. Completely stuck. And I could see my mom coming from across the street. Ooops.

My mother looked up the tree and told me to come down, it was almost night. I told her I was stuck, and she told me to figure it out, while my cousin tried to help me pull my foot out of the hole where it had gotten stuck, and my mind went into fantasies of someone having to take a saw to my foot.

That’s when I saw something moving – a huge lizard had come from somewhere to see what the commotion was about, probably. And that’s when I let out a yelp and my foot magically dislodged from the hole. Thank you, random lizard.

Well, I guess that’s all. This is the story of how I stopped climbing on trees – just kidding, I didn’t stop at all until I got a bit older. I just learned how to be more careful. And also that my cousins had my back.

Okay, now I am done. Do you have any interesting story from your childhood years to share? Please share it with me in the comments (or link me if you have it on your blog)!

See you on the next post!

Quarantine update – 06/13/2020

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My pumpkin plant – Photo by Jay Souza, 06/13/2020

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well, I hope! I have been doing well enough, surviving the pandemic without catching the virus and just trying to stay sane, you know. And since I have a little more free time, here I am again to post one more update on my isolated life. Without further ado, let us move on to the updates nobody really cares about, shall we?

Work – Nothing’s really changed since my latest post. I’m still working part-time, and enjoying this new work-life balance. I have been considering the lateral move to another department, and wondering if I should grab my boss for a conversation. I might see what I can do, but, for now, I’m focusing on my work and running the company blog, so that will keep me busy enough.

Family – I could say not much has changed here either, but some things had. My brother is still refusing to talk to me, but my niece contacted me asking me to follow her YouTube channel. She’s eight, and I’m not sure how I feel about that, but it’s not my call, sadly. I also got a call today by a dear aunt who had been battling depression for a long time, and she sounds so much better! She seems to have found her will to live again and I couldn’t be happier.

Hobbies – As far as these go, nothing has changed either. I’ve been crocheting a lot and gardening on the side, as the surprise plants are going. I’m hoping weather will get better soon so I can go pull some weeds outside, here’s hoping!

Physical and mental health – My physical health is good, as usual, no signs of the virus here. My mental health has been iffy lately, some not-so-pleasant thoughts popping up in the middle of the night, but I’m doing the best I can to take good care of myself and not let them consume me.

Writing – I have been trying to write a little more fiction. For now, I’m looking for some prompts and working on developing the initial plot lines into an actual story. Should I write them in English, I’ll share them here.

RP Site – The RP site I mentioned some time ago is finally live! We are 6 members total and have 21 characters created. We’re a small group, but we’re active and there are plots and threads already going on. I’m very excited about it!

Well, I guess this is it for now! Not a lot has been happening, but life’s good! What are you all doing? Any news to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

See you all on the next post!

Surprise gardening

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My accidental garden – Photo by Jay Souza, 06/03/2020

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope! I’m still doing well, and coming here to talk to you all again. Why? Well, because I forgot a very important update on my latest post! And because I wanted to, of course. It’s nice to drop by here and post something, and connect with others during these difficult times!

Alright, without further ado, let us move on to the update.

I’ll start this off by saying I don’t have a green thumb at all. My mother is good at gardening, and my dad really enjoys it, though he’s not as good as she is. I have not ever been able to keep a plant alive for more than a week – until now.

Providing a bit of context, I live on the ground level of my building, and most apartments on ground level here have a small enclosed garden right outside our balconies. Every apartment has a balcony, but, for obvious reasons, only the ones on the ground level have gardens. Another bit of context is that pretty much anything that falls from the floors above mine lands on my garden.

And this is how I got a surprise garden. I don’t do a lot of gardening (a bit obvious from the picture), but I get out every now and then – when it’s not too cold or rainy – to see if there’s something fallen out there and throw it out.

During one of these visits, I found three little sprouts, much to my surprise. I know exactly zero about plants, so I asked my dad (note: this was before the isolation became stricter and my parents live inside the same apartment complex) to come by and take a look. Much to my surprise and delight, we had a passion fruit (the one closer to the iron fence), a pumpkin (the large one that’s trying to take over the whole area) and another one I have yet to identify.

As we have had a bit of rain nearly daily, I just have to water them a bit every few days, and they seem to be thriving. I’m very excited and hoping they will carry on growing.

Well, I guess that’s it! Do you all have any nice surprises from these difficult times? I think we all need something good to hold on to!

See you all on the next post. Please stay safe, and love each other as much as you can!

One more month ends…

Hello, my pretties! How is everyone doing? I hope you are all healthy and safe! I’m doing as well as it can be expected in these crazy times. And, since it’s the last day of the month, I thought it would be nice to share a little update. Without further ado, here we go:

1- I’m still working part-time. I have to confess I really enjoy it, and I’ve been seriously considering either asking if I can stay part-time on this job or look for something that allows me to work better hours;

2- I’ve been allowed to take on our company blog as a project, and my manager is encouraging me to look into marketing courses for a lateral move – this looks promising;

3- I haven’t left the house this month yet, and I am getting restless, but I know we’re not living in normal times, so I’m trying to resist;

4- I have gone ahead and created the roleplaying forum, and I’ve got three members with me – we’re creating characters and plots, and I feel this will be fun;

5- Intercom guy has left me alone and the doormen don’t seem upset, so I think everything is fine;

6- My brother still refuses to talk to me, but he’s sent several texts to our mother complaining about how I don’t reach out to him. This behavior really doesn’t make me want to.

I think that’s all I had to share right now. How about all of you? Are you doing well? Any news to share? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!