Raised by a narcissist

Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!

I come here today to talk a little about my own life experience. Before I begin, I’ll just warn anyone that this post will not be pleasant, as it deals with emotional abuse. This is your final warning.

Now that we’re past the warning, I’ll preface this by saying that I love my parents dearly, I really do. Even my mother. But she’s a narcissist. And being raised by her has damaged a lot of stuff in me.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, or particularly organized. It’s mostly me sharing some of the things that happened to me, things I didn’t even notice were not the norm while I was growing up.

  1. I was blamed for things I ‘did’ even before I was born. For as long as I can remember, she talks about how I made her suffer while she was pregnant, in an accusatory intonation. I also stopped nursing at 3 months old because I hated her, not because – who knows, I was a baby.
  2. I could never have anything nice. Any time she gave me something I loved, she took it away by forcing me to give it to someone else.
  3. I was never treated as me, but as a reflection of her. I had to be perfect, or else.
  4. I was treated so much worse than my brother, that at some point, when I was around six, I decided I had to be adopted. I just couldn’t believe someone would treat her own child like she treated me.
  5. She was always trying to change me. She ruined my hair with chemicals to make it straight. She wanted me to hide my developing breasts because ‘none of my classmates had them’. She yelled at me in front of the school if I had torn a bit of my clothing playing, because ‘I looked like a homeless person and she was ashamed of me’. She refused to even ride the same elevator as me and pushed me to the service elevator because ‘I was dressed like a maid anyway’.
  6. She used me to please others. I remember my body autonomy being stripped of me very early on. I was forced to hug people, and let people kiss me, to the point where I now hate being touched. I was also supposed to suffer to please others. Such as when I had surgery and my grandmother (another narcissist who had formally informed me I’m not her grandchild when I was around 6) decided to offer to ‘keep me company’ as soon as I came back from the hospital. Of course, her ‘keeping me company’ meant that every time I was trying to rest, she would call me to change the channel on TV or call someone for her, to the point where I was tired and in pain at the end of the day. And then my mother refused to tell her she couldn’t come back, ‘because it was gonna hurt her feelings’. I had to do it myself.
  7. She used to take my things and give them to her friends, even as an adult, as the time she had one of her friends stay with us for a few days and gave away my favorite house dress ‘because she liked it’. I got this one back because I called her friend and demanded my dress back.
  8. She used to covertly insinuate that I had an inappropriate relationship with my father. Now, I’ll admit that my dad did and does enable her. He’s been married to her for 40 years, so I guess it is to be expected. But he has my back, as much as he can, and we have a lot in common. So the fact that we often go to a nice little café – she never wants to go, even if we invite her – means something disgusting is happening between us.

Well… I think that’s it. At least that’s what I can remember now. I’m sure there’s more, but these are the points that stand out the most to me. What’s sadder is that, as a child, I didn’t see anything abnormal about all of that. I thought every mother-daughter relationship was strained. I thought I was bad – until I started meeting my classmate’s moms, and they started commenting on what a good child I was. I used to envy kids who had divorced parents, because if my parents would only divorce, I could live with my dad, because he would need someone to cook his food and do his laundry, after all. 

I don’t really know why I wrote this post, to be honest. I just felt like venting a little, and well… any writing still counts as writing, right? Even if it’s intensely personal.

Now is your turn to speak. Is there anything about your own life you thought was normal just to find out it wasn’t, at all? Share with me in the comments!

See you on the next post!

Being a woman is a daily battle

Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!

Today, I come here again for a bit more rambling. I’m almost sorry about that. Almost.

Before I get started, some context:

  1. I’m a cisgender female, so I can’t talk about the experience of a transwoman;
  2. I’m a Brazilian woman living in Brazil, so I can’t talk about the experience of women elsewhere.

With that out of the way, let’s move on to the theme of the post, shall we?

I’m a single woman, and chose not to have children. I don’t have a problem with anyone choosing not to, but this is my choice. I’m mostly asexual, which means I’m not interested in having sex with anyone, and I’m romantically attracted to men and women. This is me, this is my reality, and, unless asked for details, I’ll keep to myself. 

I’m also a college educated woman working on a highly male-dominated field. And living in a very sexist country.

What are the challenges this presents?

  1. Men consider themselves entitled to my body, since I’m there and apparently available;
  2. I’m considered the perfect fuck buddy because since I don’t want kids, that’s all I’m good for, right? Who cares about what I want?;
  3. I’m being constantly judged (more than men) by my appearance, how I wear or style my hair, how much I weight, what I like to wear, etc;
  4. I’m considered much less competent than my male peers by my customers, who go from believing exactly what I have said when it comes from a male to outright refusing to speak to me or let me provide service;
  5. I have to fear for my life all the time, and not know whether or not my life partner (not that I have one now, but you get it) will be the one to kill me;
  6. I have to deal with my pain being ignored in medical settings because I’m probably overreacting (according to several providers’ opinion);
  7. I don’t have reproductive autonomy – abortion is a crime in the country, and getting approved for sterilization – even if you have a medical reason why getting pregnant will be unhealthy/dangerous – is nearly impossible if you don’t have children. It’s so bad I’m actually being denied treatment for a medical issue because the best course of treatment would render me sterile. Yes, things are that bad here.

This is just what I can think of right now, as general challenges women face in my country.  I know women in other countries have other challenges – some of them even worse, just like honor killings, which we generally don’t have here.

I also have to say I know that I face less challenges than other women. I come from a structured family. My parents were both hard workers and able to provide me with a comfortable life. We were not (and are not) rich, but our basic needs were always met. Education was considered important in my family, and I managed to graduate college without debt, through getting a good scholarship and having a father who was able and willing to cover the rest of my tuition, leaving me to cover only the cost of books, copies, etc.

I was able to find a decently paying job and keep it when I moved to another state, through my own hard work and having an understanding boss.

Overall, I do have a pretty good life. I know that. I know I have come into this world and lived life with privileges a lot of other women don’t have.

And my life would still be easier had I been born a man.

Phew, that was a hell of a rant, wasn’t it? I’m done, I promise. And it’s your turn now. Why don’t you share your woes with me – regardless of your gender?

See you all on the next post!

The carbonara, or: out of my comfort zone

The famous (or infamous?) carbonara

Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!

Here I come again today to speak about random stuff. Basically, about how I left my comfort zone in two fronts today, and how much fun it was.

Those who know me well know three things about me:

  1. I’m a major introvert;
  2. I have major performance anxiety;
  3. I love cooking for people.

These all came together today during lunch, and with pretty good results.

Backstory: I often go to my mom’s house on a Sunday to cook something special for their lunch – usually pasta or a risotto. The exact recipe used depends on what they want for the day, or what I have on hand at home.

So, this past week, my dad said he was craving my carbonara recipe while we waited for me to get my MRI (see my previous post for details).  I immediately decided it would be a good idea for me to cook it this weekend, and started making arrangements with my dad.

On Saturday, we went to the mall, had lunch and then went to the store to shop for necessities and the ingredients for my carbonara. As is usual, my dad paid for them and took them home so I wouldn’t have to carry everything there on my way to their home.

Today, my mom called me and told me a friend of hers was there with her husband and son, and they were waiting for me to cook lunch. Friends, I froze. Every time I have to do something I know how to do in front of (near) strangers, I feel I’ll automatically fail.

But a promise is a promise, so I took a shower and off I went to my mom’s.

Got there after about a 20 minute walk, greeted everyone and off to the kitchen I went, feeling like I was about to have a heart attack. The fact that my mom’s kitchen is tiny and she was also there making other stuff didn’t help either. But hey, people were hungry and I had to cook. 

If you have ever cooked this specific dish, you know there’s some prepping involved, and you kind of have to do it all at once. I don’t really know how I managed, for real. Anxiety was brewing inside me, but I kept going, and, about 20 minutes after I got to my mom’s, we were ready to go. It looked good. It smelled good. And we sat down to eat.

My mom’s friend’s husband and I started talking about cooking, since at that point I only knew he liked cooking. He started asking about my recipe, and I told him about it. He then told me two things – one that caused me to freeze, and one that made me feel very proud of myself.

The thing that caused me to freeze was that he had worked as a chef for 12 years before moving to Brazil. The thing that made me feel proud was that mine, in his words, was the best carbonara he had eaten in Brazil. And then we started talking shop. We have a lot in common, like the passion for cooking for others and the love for garlic. So we spent the rest of our lunch swapping tips and recipes, and he still went away saying he wants to be present next time I cook something.

Well, that was it. I just felt like bragging a little, because it’s not every day you get someone who’s a professional to compliment your cooking in such enthusiastic terms. And it’s definitely not every day you make two amazing new friends (the lady and her husband) and make someone’s day brighter, as she had been really depressed and told me she was feeling much better after spending time with us and having a comfort meal.

That’s it for today, friends! I just needed to post something, and – as it’s becoming usual for me -, instead of writing the next post on my list, I ended up sharing something about my every day life.

Hopefully, the next post will indeed be what I had planned. Unless something incredibly boring interesting happens in my life, of course. Then you’ll be subject to reading about stuff you don’t wanna know.

It’s your turn to speak now! How about you share something positive that happened recently, or what you have done for your Sunday? I’m a stalker curious, and always want to hear what you all have to say!

Have a great night, and see you on the next post!

Finally had the MRI, and it was horrible

Hello, dear readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!

I’m back to talking to you all after surviving an experience I will forever describe as absolutely horrifying. 

So, those who read this blog regularly (are there any?) know I have been dealing with a certain health issue – and that’s as specific as I’m willing to get for now, because really, y’all don’t need to know the details of my boring life. Really, really. I promise, it’s nothing interesting. I did not swallow poison capsules in an attempt to smuggle them for my hot spy boyfriend, sadly. It’s just a mundane issue.

And since, before they fix my very mundane issue, they need to poke, look inside me, and do all kinds of cruel and unusual experiments on me (I may or may not be adding dramatic flair to that), today I was the vic… er, I mean, I was subjected to another one of those experiments.


They forced me into this monstrosity today

Said experiment was an MRI, and this is how it went: 

It all started yesterday, because there’s a lot of prepping involved, including, but not limited to, fasting. Which sucks. Seriously, fasting is terrible! Why do doctors ask people to fast at all? Sorry, sorry, I get a little bit upset when someone tries to prevent me from eating.

Then, today, I had to wake up at seven, which is earlier than the time I usually get out of bed, in order to do more preppy stuff. Try following a list of instructions after waking up earlier than usual and without coffee, and come tell me about it later. But I still half-assed through the list and got ready to go on time.

The torture, I mean, procedure, was scheduled to 9, but we (my dad was kind enough to drive me there) were supposed to be at the clinic at 8:30. And so we were. We greeted the lady in the reception area, and paid for the privilege of being mistreated by a doctor. And then we waited.

We waited for about one hour, and then a doctor took me into an office so we could start the process. She was nice enough, which made this experience much less stressful than it would otherwise have been. So, we talked about why I was there, what I was feeling, chit chatted a little about being a woman being a bitch sometimes while she checked my previous exams, and then off we went.

She took me to change clothing, and that was easy enough. I changed into those hospital garments, placed my stuff in a locker, and was led to a waiting room from which I could hear the noises made by the torture chamber. She then came back and told me they would inject me with some sort of anaesthesia and then a medical contrast thing to make seeing my insides easier. I love getting injected with things when I don’t know exactly what they contain. It’s a thrill.

So, there had been no poking me with a needle yet by then. I was taken to the torture chamber, made to lie down and strapped to the bed. Yes, that was excellent for my claustrophobia. I had a lot of fun. A blanket was placed over me, and I was instructed to place my hands on my boobs (fun!) and remain perfectly still (curse you, nice doctor lady). Which I did, because I wanted this to be over soon – despite the fact that every part of my body that could possibly itch during this whole ordeal did. It started off on my nose, then hip, then knee, then ankle, then all these parts at once… It was very entertaining.

I was then wheeled inside the tube of death and stayed there, listening to various noises and staring at a cloudy sky panel that was sadly not enough to take my mind off of that dreadful tube. So I started thinking about all kinds of random things, from dishes in the sink to things I plan on subjecting my collaborative writing characters to because I’m an absolute witch who loves to see them suffer. 

After about 25 years – give or take -, I was slowly wheeled out of the tube of death. Great, I thought to myself. It’s over. But wasn’t I supposed to have gotten shots? Did she forget about those?

No, friends, she hadn’t. The second part of the torture was just about to start. First thing I must state is that I have no veins. No, really. Count Dracula himself couldn’t find an access to suck my blood, and that would be my saving grace if my favorite vampire should ever come across me and get hungry. He would probably still kill me out of frustration, but I would get to keep my blood.

This thing was shoved into my poor vein

So we played pin the tail with my hand being the donkey and a syringe being the tail. After a while, though, she finally found a vein. And then she stuck the double access into my hand – a process that hurt like hell, not gonna lie. Then there was a lot of tape involved and some blood cleaning, because my hand was (still is) bleeding from all of the poking.

And back into the tube of death I went. Still without anything in my veins.

So, a second round of staying in the tube of death went by, before the lady doctor came back to finally get fluids inside my poor vein. She did so, which burned like hell (I think it was the contrast), and then the process started again.

At some point, I was starting to feel sleepy. And then I started feeling my chest tight. I couldn’t breathe well. I was starting to panic, I knew it. So I started counting the different kinds of sounds the machine was making, because I didn’t want to squeeze the little button thing the doctor had given me. I feared any delay would make this longer.

Finally, though, it didn’t last much longer after this part. When I was about to scream like a banshee or act as though I had been buried alive, the nice doctor lady came back and told me it was over. 

From there, I had to get up – which is not easy with a bad back after being on a hard bed and unable to move for a long time – and get back to the dressing room to change back into my regular clothes. And then I forced my dad to pay for a Subway for me because I was starving. And it had been one hour and a half of me being trapped in the tube of death.

Phew. That was a LONG one, wasn’t it? But if I had to be miserable, you guys have to suffer too. I hope my long moments of fear, pain and suffering are entertaining for you all.

On a final note, I have to say I’m deeply grateful that I carry health insurance, that I can afford the things not covered by it, and that I have a specialized clinic with excellent professionals within walking distance of my house.

I still hate going to the doctors, though, and I always will.

I… don’t even know what to ask you guys right now. Asking you all to share miserable medical experiences sounds sort of cruel. But if you feel so inclined, please share!

Thanks for reading this random vent by yours truly, and see you on the next post! (If my left hand doesn’t fall off after typing this much. Ouch!)

My view on relationships

Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!

I have survived the cold, and now I’m back to bore, er, fascinate, you all with more posts about things you probably don’t want to read about!

Today, the thing you all don’t care about is: my view on relationships.

Why am I even bothering with this? Mostly because, after my post on being happily single, I have had a conversation or two with friends about my stance on remaining unmarried and uncoupled.

As with any unconventional decision, there’s always a set of questions a person gets asked. So, I thought I would approach them here, and maybe make things easier on others like me:

1- What happened to you? Do you have any trauma?

Yes and no. I do have some traumas related to sexual abuse from my past. But these are not related to me not having relationships, as I have had some in the past. Some good, some bad, some indifferent. There’s nothing to do with my past, but my present. What I want for my life – peace and quiet – just doesn’t match the demands of a relationship.

2- Do you resent other people who choose to be in relationships?

Why would I? I’m a big proponent of to each their own in this life. The same way I have chosen to remain single and child-free, others have made different choices. They have chosen to marry. They have chosen to have or adopt children. They have chosen to backpack across the world, while I’m happy at home or staying at a nice hotel if I do travel.

It’s all about different choices. Different strokes for different folks. What works for me, works for me.

What works for everyone else is their own choice.

Live and let live, y’all.

I, personally, find the idea of a romantic relationship limiting and suffocating. I hate having someone keep tabs on me, or tell me my mood affected theirs, or a lot of other negatives that come with having a life partner.

And yes, I know there are positives. They don’t really sway me, as I really can’t stay in love with anyone for more than a month or two.

So, there you have it. I get bored. For those who don’t? More power to them, and I wish them happy and long lives with their life partners. Sincerely.

And, that’s it for now. What are your own views on romantic relationships? Share them with me!

Thanks for reading, and see you on the next post!

Why I haven’t been around for a while

Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope!

I come here today mostly to say hello, because I have missed posting here on the blog and I would like to make it clear that I’m not dead. Despite the fact that my body has actively tried to make sure I would be by now. 

Well, no, I’m not dead. I have just been battling a pretty annoying cold. Nothing too serious. The usual lack of appetite, tiredness and the ever charming 80 year old smoker coughing all day and night are the only things I have to complain about.

I haven’t been completely idle, though, while I try not to cough out a lung and hope to be able to rest a little.

While the blog has been idle, I have been doing some collaborative writing, though less than usual due to the aforementioned cold, and working on the outline for a solo story I have been toying around for a while. I’m still wondering whether or not it will be posted here, as whatever I come up with will be a first draft. I might post it here, or just give updates on the process and post once I have had the time to polish things off a little.

I’ll probably have some update about that in the near future. Provided I don’t forget all about it, that is. (Nah, I won’t, it’s written down on my blogging planner).

Well, that’s it for now, I have honestly only showed up to post because I missed being here. I’ll have a more decent post later in the week, when I feel better.

While we wait, why don’t you all share whatever projects you have with me in the comments? I love knowing what other writers are up to!

Have a great end of day (or whatever time it is where you are), and see you all on the next post!

Blogger Recognition Award

Dear Lord, she’s at it again, says the poor reader who comes around this blog.

It’t not my fault. Blame Non-Euclidean Sofa (henceforth to be known as the jerk) again for this thing in which I post two days in a row. He’s very lucky I’m a non-violent person with a fear of flying. I will just sit at home with my cup of coffee and hope his cat farts on his face at 5 in the morning.

Now that you all know who is to blame, let us move on, shall we?

I’m supposed to post the rules of the awards, even though we all know I’m going to break them anyway, so here they go:

Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog. (Check)
Give a brief story of how your blog started. (Will be done)
Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers. (I can try)
Select 10 other bloggers you want to give this award to. (We know I’m not doing this, I don’t know people!)
Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide the link to the post you created. (Look above)

With the rules out of the way, here goes the parts of the thing I can do without pissing anyone off. Hopefully.

How did the blog start?

It sprouted spontaneously from the ground. Oh, wait, no, it didn’t. I have been blogging for a very long time. As in, people who were born when I started blogging are almost old enough to drive. Yes, I am old. And during this time, I have created and torched several blogs, on several niches, all in my mother language (Portuguese). They were fun exercises, but not many people read me at all, so I ended up getting discouraged. Not too long ago, I decided to start writing in English, and it has been a really good and fun experience – and I’m even forming connections, yay!

Two pieces of advice for new bloggers.

One: write what you love. If you don’t love your blog, nobody will. And if you keep writing about things you don’t love, you’ll get tired and run out of ideas soon.

Two: Hang in there. It takes time to build readership. Keep writing, someone is reading. It takes time for people to start commenting, but they will. Don’t get discouraged. 

I hope these are helpful.

Select 10 bloggers.

I don’t even know that many people! But I’ll do some nominating for this one:

Serenity in the Insanity – I’m a new reader, but her posts are delightful, and I hope she’ll appreciate the nomination!

Drop by and take a peek at her blog, will you? I’ll drop by now, since I have to let her know she’s the happy recipient of this hot potato.

See you all on the next post!

Liebster Award: Because I have to (not really)

This thing looks cool

All right, hello, readers! How are you all? Hopefully well! Here I am again, writing to you, because I was forced to. Gun to my head and all. Nah, not really. I’m here because I got nominated to the Liebster Award, which is a thing. I didn’t know it was a thing. I didn’t know how it worked (I don’t really get it well yet, but I hope I will by the end of this post). I thought it would bite me. Lucky for me, it didn’t. Well, it hasn’t done so yet.

So, apparently this thing works like a hot potato. You get it, and then you pass it along. But since I’m always super afraid people will feel obligated (not that I did, I actually find the concept fun), I’l make it an open invitation thing. Yes, because I don’t want anyone to be mad at me. Well… not for this reason. 

I will start this off by thanking Non-Euclidean Sofa (that jerk) for nominating me. I truly appreciate it, even though I just called him a jerk. I’m bad and I should feel bad. But I don’t.

Then, I have to list the rules for this, because that’s how it works, I guess. Before I do the rest. So here they go:

The Liebster Award is available from January 1 to December 31, 2018. All nominations are voluntary. If the blogger chooses to accept said nomination, you should follow the rules listed below.


Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
Display the award on your blog, by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or “gadget.” (Note that the best way to do this is to save the image to your computer, and then upload it to your blog post.)
Answer 11 questions about yourself which will be provided by the person who nominated you.
Provide eleven random facts about yourself.
Nominate 5-11 bloggers that you feel deserve the award, and who have less than 1000 followers. (I’m totally breaking this rule for the reasons stated above – and because I really can’t pick my brain for 11 new questions. I know, I know)
Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
List these rules in your post (you can copy and paste from here.) Once you have written and published the blog, you have to:
Inform the people/blogs that you have nominated for the Liebster Award and provide a link for them to your post, so that they may learn about it.

With the rules out of the way, here goes the rest.

I need to present 11 random facts about myself, right? Okay, you asked for it:

  1. I have heterocromia. My eyes are hazel near the pupil, then they turn green, and then there’s a black halo around the green part. When I’m in the sunlight, they appear to be fully green.
  2. When I was younger, my hair also had different colors, with red and almost blonde bits closer to my neck. I have dark hair and never dyed it.
  3. I hate speaking. The act of speaking, using my voice, etc. When I have to make or answer a phone call, it’s sheer torture.
  4. I absolutely hate large groups. I’ll feel physically unwell if I have to interact with several people at once.
  5. I don’t like people coming to my house. Sorry.
  6. I absolutely love my job, even though it stresses me out (customer service).
  7. I have learned how to drive, but refused to get a license because I’m a nervous wreck and would probably run over someone or ram into someone else’s car pretty quickly after getting it.
  8. I have a ridiculously high pain threshold. As in, I once had dermatological surgery without anesthesia and it didn’t occur to me that I should have gotten it, because the pain wasn’t that bad.
  9. I often carry purses large enough for the kitchen sink, my friends and family to fit inside.
  10. I’m extremely accident prone, and have broken both ankles in different occasions.
  11. I think this list was too short and I have so many more crazy stuff to share about me.

Okay, the eleven facts are done. Now on to answering all of the questions. Here we go:

#1 – What is a story you would be comfortable telling a stranger over the course of a 3-minute elevator ride in a hotel you have doubts about.

Honestly? I would probably share whatever happened to me that day or how I have come across this place. I can share random stuff like a pro.

#2 – Would you ride a horse?

I have, and it was a terrifying experience. The horse was very well-behaved, but something about riding a living being just scared the shit out of me.

#3 – Would you ride a horse into battle?

Hahaha, no. Never, ever. I wouldn’t ride a horse anywhere.

#4 – Would your previous answer change if you knew “Battle” was the name of a grocery store, and you would not be charged for the damages you and your steed would certainly cause?

Oh, dear. I can cause the same damage a horse can within a grocery store. Just give me a backpack.

#5 – What is a song that has been stuck in your head that you would be embarrassed to be caught singing under your breath at a coffee shop?

Song that has been stuck in my head: Ain’t no mountain high enough. Would I be embarrassed to be caught singing it at all? Hell, no. My embarrassment meter is broken.

#6 – If you were left alone on a deserted island, what do you think you would use to build a friend to chat with to pass the years until an aircraft carrier rolls over your little island like a steamroller over a bag of grapes?

Why would I want to chat with anyone? 

#7 – Do you dip something in your coffee or tea?

No, but I do place small pieces of bread and some sugar in my milk for a hassle-free, tasty treat sometimes.

#8 – If you were given unlimited funds for 12 minutes, what would you do?

Obviously go on a shopping spree inside the nearest bookstore for all of those shiny books it would take me years to actually read.

#9 – What book have you been meaning to read?

All of them. Every single book in existence. But more specifically, I have been meaning to buy Women who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. It has been highly recommended to me.

#10 – What is something weird or arbitrary that just gets to you; do you have a weird pet peeve?

I’m a huge pile of pet peeves, so it’s kind of complicated. I would say ‘then’ instead of ‘than’ is a big one. Sure, it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but it matters to me.

#11 – If you became a ghost when you die, where do you think you’d haunt.

I would probably haunt a library and be the friendly ghost whispering book recommendations to people and vanishing before they could actually see me. It would be fun.

I guess that’s it. That was a long post. Not that I don’t like it. I mean, I do have my daily word quotas to get, and this helps. 

So, I guess this is out of the way, right? 

So, while I’m not openly nominating anyone to do it, I would love for any of my blogger readers to do it (with the questions I have answered, because I’m a lazy butt) and drop me a link here so I can read their answers!

With that, I now bid you farewell and go back to work. Someone has to pay for food, coffee and internet access so I can keep updating the blog, after all.

Have an awesome rest of the day, and see you all on the next post!

Who writes the blog? Questions and answers

Hello, readers! How are you all? Well, I hope! I’m doing okay-ish, had a bit of a rough day, but the evening is much better, so here I am posting again, because I just can’t stay away from this blog.

I had been meaning to write a general post about me, even though the blog does have an About me & the blog page with some info.

Talking about me without any direction isn’t really easy, though, so I decided to fish around for a list of questions, and found these 50 questions in Mariannelle’s blog. I have linked it here, but I don’t know her or the blog, it was just the first one I happened to stumble upon.

I’m also probably not gonna be answering all of the questions, because I’m lazy, and I might not have anything to say about some of them. Yes, I will be reading each question and answering it as I go. Great, right? So, let’s go to the questions and answer. Have fun!

1: What’s your name?

Well, I don’t ever use the name assigned to me at birth unless it’s a work or business situation. So, for all intents and purposes, my name’s Jay.

2: What is your Zodiac sign?

I don’t really believe in astrology, but for what it’s worth, I’m a Sagittarius (November 27th).

3: List 3 fears:

Sharks, cockroaches, enclosed spaces.

4: 3 things I love:

Books, my bed, spending time with family.

5: Last song I listened to:

Don’t look back in anger, by Oasis

6: The reason I started blogging:

That… is a very good question. I have enjoyed writing since I have learned how to. I have kept journals from a very young age, and, with time, my journals became sites for short stories out of my mind, and then I started buying notebooks and writing longer stories for the fun of it. I also loved writing classes at school, and took an elective Creative Writing class when I was going to college. I have started blogging about 15 years ago, because I had been reading a certain series, and started writing fan fictions with an original character within the universe. This character was so much fun to write that I created a blog for her journal. That was my first blog, and, from then on, I have written several others, until I have settled for this one.

7: How I feel right now:

Well. My day didn’t really get off to a good start, as I was in a lot of pain for most of the day. It has subsided now (no meds involved, yay), and I managed to get my exercise routine done, so I feel much better and hope for a good night’s sleep.

8: Something I really really want:

Honestly? I would love to make writing my career, and maybe move South, into a smaller city or a town. Other than that, I’m pretty content with my life.

9: My current relationship status:

Single, and planning on remaining this way for the rest of my life.

10: Meaning behind my URL:

Well, everything in this blog is a brainstorm. I don’t really plan out much more than ‘it would be fun to write about this’. The posts are written when I publish them, and I don’t really spend too much time outlining anything, unless the post involves some sort of research.

11: My favorite movie:

That’s a tough one. I love any and all Disney and Pixar movies I have ever watched. I also absolutely love Dangerous Liaisons, a 1988 movie with Glenn Close, John Malkovich, Keanu Reeves and Uma Thurman in the central roles.

12: My favorite song:

Another tough one. I currently really like I see fire, by Ed Sheeran. I’m sure this answer will change if you ask me again next week.

13: Things that upset me:

Whew. Does everything count? I’m a very grumpy person, and get easily overwhelmed. If I have to pinpoint things, I would say people with poor work ethics and rudeness in general.

14: Things that make me happy:

Going out for a stroll at the mall, having a meal with loved ones, cooking for the people I love, going for a ride in a bookstore and finding something I really like – I’m a girl of simple tastes.

15: What I find attractive in other people:

A willingness to listen, to open up, and interesting topics of conversation.

16: Someone I miss:

My late maternal grandmother, she passed away when I was 15.

17: Someone I love:

My parents and brother.

18: My relationship with my parents:

I have a very close relationship with my dad. My mom has always said I would make a beeline for him and ignore her when they both came home from work at the end of the day. I’m very much like him, in appearance, personality, and tastes. My relationship with my mother is harder, as we don’t really see eye to eye on many things. I try my best to have a good relationship with her, but it’s not really easy. It has improved, though, since I have moved into my own apartment.

19: My favorite holiday:

I’m not very much into celebrating holidays in general, but I would say the end of year holidays, both because I have more time to rest, as the company I work for closes during the holiday season, and because it marks the transition to a new year.

20: Someone famous I’d date:

I’m super private, so probably nobody. Dating a famous person would be my worst nightmare.

21: A confession:

I sleep with a stuffed animal (he’ll make an appearance here in the future!).

22: My favorite animal:

Cats – house cats, big cats (tigers are a personal favorite) – and wolves.  I can’t pick between them, sorry.

23: One thing I have lied about:

I can’t really remember, to be honest. I’m not a saint, just the worst liar ever, so I stick with the truth. I also have a terrible memory, which makes lying a pain in the ass, even if I was so inclined.

24: Something that’s currently worrying me:

My health – I have been battling the health system to get me surgery for a medical issue – and my weight – I have been working on my diet and adding exercise to my day in order to deal with it, and have lost 4 pounds so far. It’s not much, but it’s a step in the right direction.

25: An embarrassing moment:

I have many, but the day when I, as  a child, climbed up a tree and got my foot stuck. I didn’t want anyone to get my parents, so I stayed there nearly the entire day. That is, until I saw a huge lizard, and my foot got magically unstuck so I could get off the tree as fast as I could. One thing that was really nice, though, was that I was never left alone, and there was always a cousin or friend up there keeping me company.

26: Where I work:

I currently work from home for a software development company.

27: Something that’s constantly on my mind:


28: 3 habits I have:

Drinking lots of water during the day. Reading a lot of Wikipedia entries. Keeping my crochet hook and yarn near me to get some work into any idle moment.

29: My future goals:

To be honest, I don’t really have many. At the moment, I just want to get approved for surgery, so I can start focusing on something else in the future.

30: My favorite food:

A juicy burger with a side of fries. Why lie?

31: What I did yesterday:

I went out with my parents for Mother’s Day lunch, then came home and slept for the rest of the day, as I wasn’t feeling well.

32: Something I’m talented at:

I think I’m a good enough writer, and I’m also pretty good at crocheting cute things.

33: My idea of a perfect date:

Takeout (pizza, please) and a movie. I like being home.

34: My favorite blog:

Currently, Non-Euclidean Sofa holds this position. The author has a great way of framing the mundane in hilarious posts. I’m always looking forward to his next post.

35: Number of kids I want:


36: Do I smoke/drink:

Never touched a cigarette in my life. I drink the occasional fancy beverage once a month or every other month, but my beverage of choice when I’m out and about is orange juice.

Oof. I think we can stop here, can’t we? I’m really tired of typing and talking about myself.

I hope these questions have given you all a bit of an insight on little old me. If you have any more questions, please do share them, will you? I’ll be happy to answer them on a future post!

With that out of way, off to bed I go!

Have a good one, and see you on the next post!

On being childfree

Hello, visitors! How are you all? Well, I hope!

Here I come again to chat with you all a bit. It’s nearly 5 a.m. where I am, I can’t sleep for some reason (who knows what my brain wants now?), so I come here to tell you all things about me you probably don’t even want to know.

My previous post was about why I’m happily single, so I guess everyone could see this one coming.

I’m not only single. I’m also childfree. I know. The horror.

But wait, I can hear some people say. What do you mean by that?

Childfree – as opposed to childless – is that person in your social circle who just doesn’t want to have kids. That’s all. They can be that awkward friend whose eyes grow large as saucers when you ask them if they would like to hold your baby. They could be the friend who would love to hold your baby – and not be so happy to give you your cute little baby back. They can be the cool uncle/aunt figure. And they can be that person who doesn’t like kids. We come in all shapes and sizes. I hope that’s understood.

So, why don’t people want to have children? Of course, I can only speak for myself, but reasons can generally be split in a few categories. Some people feel there’s way too  many people on Earth as it is, and we’re ruining it enough, so there’s no need to add more people to the mix. Some people can’t afford to provide comfortably for a child, and therefore choose not to have one. Some people have health issues that they can either pass down to a child, or would make having and caring for a child very difficult. (Hello, that’s me). Some have other reasons I haven’t listed here. And some just don’t want children because they like the childfree life style. (Also me).

That’s really all. I promise you all. Childfree people are not baby-eating monsters. Most of us, at least. If someone stares at your baby and mentions he or she looks delicious, please don’t let this person hold your precious child! We’re not intentionally hateful. We don’t hate the fact that other people have children (most of us don’t, at  least). We just don’t want to have children, and want to have our choices respected the same way people get respect for their choice to have a child.

Now, I can hear some non-childfree people saying that yes, we are hateful and angry people.

Okay, I’ll give you that. We are indeed prone to sounding pretty angry, especially online.

I promise you we were not born this way. It’s because we’re tired. We’re sick and tired of having our life choices invalidated. When you ask us for the first time if we won’t change our minds, we have heard it about a thousand times before. When you try to convince us that having a baby is the best thing ever, we have also heard it a thousand times before. It gets old fast. It’s annoying. It’s invalidating of our rights to – as adults – choose what we think best for our lives. We have thought about it, I promise. And we have made an informed decision that children just aren’t in the cards for us.

Plus, those questions, annoying as they are, are the mild things a childfree person has to live with. Where I’m from, I have to live with worse than questioning. I have personally dealt with violence being advocated against me because I’m obviously a child abuser, right? Also with people advocating that we (childfree women) should be raped and forcefully impregnated, since a legal abortion in this country is a very hard thing to get. I am actively being denied medical treatment at the moment because the treatment will rend me infertile, and not having this treatment means that I’m living in daily pain while having to battle the system to get the treatment I need, the form of treatment that will permanently fix the issue, and the form of treatment I, as an informed adult who has been talking to more than one medical professional, feel is the best one for me.

But I can’t get this form of treatment, because what if my husband wants children? Yes, that was the reason a medical professional sat in front of me and gave me as a relevant reason to  deny me treatment that would greatly improve my quality of life – or basically give me some quality of life, since being in daily pain is no way to live.

So, yes, we suffer through much more than inconvenient questions. That’s what we’re tired of.

Not you, parents. Not your children.

We’re tired of society. We just want to be respected. Like everyone should be.

Many blessings, see  you all on the next post, and thanks for reading!

° BLOG ° Gabriele Romano

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