What’s in my bag?

sling bag hanging on black metal holder
Photo by Castorly Stock on Pexels.com

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? I hope you’re all healthy and safe! I for one definitely am, though not going anywhere since March 8th has been taking a toll. It’s alright, though, we all need to be patient until things get better.

Since I have a little bit of time and energy today, here I am chatting with you all for a while.

I’m always fascinated for those ‘what’s in my bag’ videos/vlogs/posts, so I thought, why not? Not like I’m interesting at all, but I decided to share it anyway.

First things first – I always carry massive bags. My bags are usually so big I have used them as travel bags more than once. I just love having bags that can fit everything and the kitchen sink.

Second things second – definitely not everything I carry is useful, but hey – I don’t know anyone who can’t say they don’t carry even a teeny tiny useless thing around, so… without further ado, this is what is usually in my bag:

  • keys (house only, I don’t drive)
  • phone
  • wallet
  • planner
  • blogging notebook (yes, I carry them both)
  • some reading material, in case I have to do something that involves waiting for a long time
  • pencil case with a ton of Bic pens and a mechanic pencil
  • my current crochet project (same as reading material, though I leave it at home if I’m going anywhere with a metal detector)
  • any smaller items I’ve bought on my trip to the outside world (one major reason for me to carry the gigantic bags)

I guess that’s it. While some things may vary here and there, this is mostly what I carry on my bag at all times.

What about you? Do you carry a small bag? Medium sized? Gigantic? And what do you take in it? Share it with me in the comments!

See you on the next post!

Surprise gardening

My accidental garden – Photo by Jay Souza, 06/03/2020

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope! I’m still doing well, and coming here to talk to you all again. Why? Well, because I forgot a very important update on my latest post! And because I wanted to, of course. It’s nice to drop by here and post something, and connect with others during these difficult times!

Alright, without further ado, let us move on to the update.

I’ll start this off by saying I don’t have a green thumb at all. My mother is good at gardening, and my dad really enjoys it, though he’s not as good as she is. I have not ever been able to keep a plant alive for more than a week – until now.

Providing a bit of context, I live on the ground level of my building, and most apartments on ground level here have a small enclosed garden right outside our balconies. Every apartment has a balcony, but, for obvious reasons, only the ones on the ground level have gardens. Another bit of context is that pretty much anything that falls from the floors above mine lands on my garden.

And this is how I got a surprise garden. I don’t do a lot of gardening (a bit obvious from the picture), but I get out every now and then – when it’s not too cold or rainy – to see if there’s something fallen out there and throw it out.

During one of these visits, I found three little sprouts, much to my surprise. I know exactly zero about plants, so I asked my dad (note: this was before the isolation became stricter and my parents live inside the same apartment complex) to come by and take a look. Much to my surprise and delight, we had a passion fruit (the one closer to the iron fence), a pumpkin (the large one that’s trying to take over the whole area) and another one I have yet to identify.

As we have had a bit of rain nearly daily, I just have to water them a bit every few days, and they seem to be thriving. I’m very excited and hoping they will carry on growing.

Well, I guess that’s it! Do you all have any nice surprises from these difficult times? I think we all need something good to hold on to!

See you all on the next post. Please stay safe, and love each other as much as you can!

Quarantine update

White Graphing Paper With Hello May Text
Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope! I’ve been… staying alive in quarantine. It has been a while since I’ve posted, so I thought it would be nice to show up here and update everyone on what has been going on with me and ask for updates on what has been going on with you all.

Without further ado, here are my updates:

1- I’ve been moved to working part time, so until second order, I’m working from 8:30 to 12:30. I like these new hours well enough;

2- Despite this fact, folks from work still keep wanting to do meetings, calls and emails when I’m off – I’m trying to set boundaries on that;

3- Even though I’m working four hours per day instead of eight, I’ve been permanently exhausted, and the fact that people keep pushing for me to do work stuff when I shouldn’t be working doesn’t help;

4- I have left the house twice – once to get medication for myself and the parents, and once to get groceries for the next month. Both outings happened with all the due care – masks and social distancing, and despite the fact I had nothing exciting happen and the mask conflicts with my glasses, it felt nice to go places;

5- I have been toying with the creation of a roleplaying forum I may or may not ever open – should it never see the light of day, I’ll at least have had fun creating it;

6- I was home yesterday getting some rest, and my intercom went off. I picked it up and there was this guy I didn’t know speaking. He was going on and on about whether or not I had a moment, if I was doing alright, blah blah blah. And I’m here thinking ‘what the hell is that?’. After some poking and prodding I found out said random guy ‘saw me walking around and thought I was pretty (spoiler alert: I am not, homeboy needs his eyes checked) and found out my name, building and apartment from the nightwatchman in order to “get to know me better”. He kept insisting on asking for my phone number to chat and asking me if I am ‘taken’. I’m not particularly happy with myself by saying yes, I am taken, but whatever it takes, I guess. I just have to admit a part of me is really pissed off that this person whose face I don’t know saw fit to find out where I live and intercom me to flirt and feeling kind of unsafe and hoping he’s just awkward or looking to hit it off with anyone and I was just his first attempt or one in a string of women whose numbers he tried to get. A part of me thinks that I may be overreacting, but as someone with a history of rejected males getting violent with me… yeah, I don’t feel safe at all. Ugh.

Well, that’s all I have to offer as updates for now… I’d love to hear yours! Are you staying safe, healthy and somewhat sane? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

See you all on the next post!

On given and chosen names

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well, I hope! I’m doing well, though I’ve sort of played a disappearing act for a while! Don’t worry, I haven’t run away with the circus or been killed by the corona virus! I just need a break, and I had not seen that coming!

Apologies aside, I’m here to talk about names today.

For everyone who knows me in this Internet world – blog, facebook or twitter – I’m simply Jay, and I have always been simply Jay.

In the outer world, though, I haven’t. My name was chosen by my mother, with the sole purpose of appeasing relatives who disliked the name she had originally chosen for me. Relatives who never cared for or about me anyway. Add to that the fact that it’s a name a lot of people get wrong, and I just dislike my name.

After years living with this name, a boyfriend asked if he could call me Jay. It’s like a little spark lit up. I said sure, you can call me Jay. I love it! And I did. It felt light, short, easy, it felt… me.

The relationship ended after a while (that could be its own blog post), but the name stayed. And I can say it’s much more me than the name on my birth certificate.

Well, I guess that’s all I have for today. Do you have a name you have chosen for yourself, or someone else has given you and you embraced? Share your story with me in the comments, or, if you have a blog post on it, shoot me a link!

Now I must go and try to convince my boss to let me use this name for all communications. Wish me luck, and I’ll see you on my next post!

It’s always time for a change

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well, I hope! I’m definitely doing well, and I’m here today to talk about something more positive than my latest post. By the way, thank you so much to those who took the time to drop a kind word, here, on Twitter, anywhere. I truly appreciate it.

Carrying on, now, before this gets too sappy.

It’s 2020. A whole new year, or a large part of it, is ahead of us. Did you all make any resolutions? I did make a few plans I’d like to see completed by the end of the year, like everyone else. No, losing X pounds wasn’t on the list, though a healthier lifestyle was. Keeping a blog in Portuguese until the end of the year without deleting it and posting here at least 52 times this year (once for every week) also were on my list.

But… here’s the deal. It’s fun to make new year resolutions, and all, but you don’t have to wait for the end of a year to make new resolutions.

Make the changes you want today. Start that diet, hit the gym, start writing that novel, tell that person you care about them. Today. There’s a long time until the next new year, and a lot you can do right now.

That has been today’s PSA. Now, what resolutions are you working on? Share them with me in the comments!

See you on the next post! (Yes, I can see you all.)

One more year ends… Bye, 2019!

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well, I hope!

I have to admit I am sick as a dog, but I couldn’t not write one final post this year, could I? Well, maybe I could, but I’m here writing this one, deal with it.

This was a very long year, I have to admit. I wasn’t as productive as I wish I’d been, but I met new people, did new things, and, all things considered, it wasn’t a bad year at all.

So, to close off the year, I’ll look back, and then forward.

Looking back: This is how the blog did during this year:

Total posts: 38 (shame on me!)

Total words: 17,600 (see above)

Total likes: 1,065 (thank you!)

Total comments: 511 (you guys are amazing!)

Total followers: 189 (I can’t believe so many people are here reading my nonsense!)

I can’t put in words how grateful I am that so many people took the time to read, like, comment and just be here at all. Thank you so much, I love you all! I have made wonderful new friends through blogging, and it’s been worth every minute, every post written and read for this whole year.

Looking forward: Things I plan on doing:

Writing more for the blog (obviously need to work on that);

Writing a solo story through to the end (no matter how bad it turns out to be);

Keep on trying to develop healthier habits in general – physical, mental, emotional health;

Making some other change (or changes) – moving, new job, who knows;

Winning the lottery (just kidding – maybe).

Well, this is pretty much what I have right now. It was a great year, with highs and lows just like any other, but it wasn’t bad at all. Now I just have to wait for 2020 to reach me.

Happy new year! If you have any resolutions, please share them with me! Love you all, see you on the next post!

I really don’t want to be in a relationship

Hello, my pretties! How are you all? Doing well, I hope!

I’m doing well enough. My laptop is finally back home, I’m getting used to it again (a week using a different keyboard has done a number on my ability to type quickly) and trying to catch up on everything I needed to be doing, like writing for the blogs and reading everyone else’s. I’ll get caught up some day, I hope.

Okay, life update is done, so let us move on to the post, shall we?

Relationships. More specifically, romantic relationships.

For someone who is basically a loner, I’ve had quite a lot of them. I’ve had relationships with men and women. I’ve had platonic relationships and enjoyed them just as much as non-platonic ones. I’ve had healthy and unhealthy relationships. I’ve been cheated on, but never cheated on anyone. And I’ve even shared a partner with another woman because it worked for everyone.

So, obviously, relationships aren’t a new thing for me. And yet, I’ve been without one since late 2013. And I’m cool with it.

Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t had any traumatic events that have put me off (even though I have sadly had some abusive partners in the past). I just… feel okay not having one?

A part of this is the fact that I’m very close to asexual (even though I’m extremely sex positive). Another part is that I love living my life without really having to worry about fitting it around anyone else other than my immediate family. If I feel like quitting my job and finding another, moving across the country or back in with my parents, I don’t have to worry about what another person will think, or about whether or not their job can be done wherever they can find an internet connection, like mine can. I just need to worry about myself and my own job, and things are a lot easier this way.

There’s also the fact that I really like having my home and bed for myself. And of course, the fact that I don’t want children and can’t physically have them also plays a part. I know a lot of people do, and it’s not fair for me to get into a relationship with someone who wants something I can’t and won’t give them.

And if I am to be honest, my friends fulfill my need for company well enough.

Can all of this still change? Sure, anything can change as long as one is alive. But for now, I have a very hard time seeing myself in a romantic relationship with anyone.

Any other loners out there? Or non-loners with an opinion to share? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

See you all on the next post!

My job is not supposed to fulfill me

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope!

I’ve been doing well. Still waiting to take my laptop to be fixed at the time of writing this, because it decided to croak right before a long weekend. Always fun when that happens, right?

I’m not here to talk about my laptop, though, so let us move on, shall we?

Work. That thing we do to pay the bills, you know? I bet you all do.

I read a lot of articles and have a lot of conversations about dream jobs, about how one’s job is supposed to bring a personal sense of accomplisment, and… I just… don’t see how, to be perfectly honest.

I don’t hate my job. I don’t love it with all my heart, but I don’t hate it either. It pays decently, it allows me to work from home, and it’s not too boring, though, as any other job, it has some stressful parts to it.

Still, it’s a job. It’s not family. It’s not a career. It’s just there to keep my bills paid while they get a skilled employee there to do the work the company needs to keep things working. I don’t think I’m anything other than that either. I’m sure my boss likes me, but I’m also sure that I’m only as valuable as my contributions to the company are.

I don’t know, it may  be a pessimistic way to look at jobs. It may be because it’s almost the end of the year and I’m exhausted and needing a vacation badly. It may be that I’m getting old, who knows? I just have a hard time seeing my job as anything other than the exchange of services for an agreed upon amount of money paid monthly.

But I would like to hear what you guys have to say! How do you view your own jobs? Do you get any personal sense of fulfillment out of them? I’d love to hear what you have to say in the comments below!

No NaNoWriMo for me this year

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope! I’m doing well enough, though I’ve been having to live without my laptop for a while and hope it’ll be fixed soon.

Regardless, I’m still here and decided to talk about NaNoWriMo. I believe pretty much everyone who writes knows what I’m talking about, but for those who don’t, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. It happens every year in November, and the goal is to write 50,000 words during the month. No editing, no thinking too much about it, just writing. Editing comes later.

I tend to love NaNoWriMo, even though November is a very busy month for me. But this year I just don’t have the time or the steam for it.

I had planned on focusing more on the blogs – this one and a little side project I have been working on -, but I don’t even know if that will be possible this month.

So, I guess I will have to wait for next month and see what happens.

What about you all?

Anyone doing NaNoWriMo this year? How’s it going?

By the way, if you want to learn a little bit more about me and get to know an amazing blogger, drop by at Sophia Ismaa’s, where I’ve had the honor of being feature as a guest blogger! Click here to go over there and definitely check out the entire blog! She truly is amazing! I’m repeating myself here, but I don’t care, go check her out!

See you all on the next post!

Ask me anything

Hello, my pretties! How are you all doing? Well, I hope!

I’ve been doing fairly well. Life has been busy, the year is almost over (thank heavens!) and work has been driving me nearly insane. You know, the usual.

But even with all of that going on, I’m still here, and still doing my best to keep up with the blog.

With life being pretty hectic right now, I’ve decided to try and get you all to do my work for me. Ooops, did I type that out aloud? Pretend you didn’t see that.

Nah, but really, I really did think I’d open up the space for you all here in order to let you all ask me anything if you’re curious about anything I can help with.

Those who have been here for a while probably know something about me, but for those who are new (welcome!), here’s what you should know I can answer questions on: I’m Brazilian, a female, childfree by choice and by nature’s demands since I had to get my uterus removed almost a year ago, coming to terms with a recent autism diagnosis, a non-native English speaker (naturally), a sufferer from scoliosis and migraines + a tendency to depression, and a telecommuter for roughly seven years.

If you want to know anything about any of those things, or share your own experiences (why not?), drop me a comment! I’ll be more than happy to answer your questions to the best of my ability! And if you have an ask me anything post on your own blog, please share it here! I’d love to drop by and ask a few questions!

See you all in the comments!